In a veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: “Hello. Can we pick your nose?”


On a Plumbers truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”

Pizza shop slogan: “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”

At a towing company: “We don’t charge an arm and a leg. We want tows.”

On a maternity room door: “Push. Push. Push.”

At an optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

In a restaurant window: “Don’t stand there and be hungry. Come on in and get fed up.”

In the front yard of a funeral home:
“Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

On a California freeway:
Fine for Littering

In a Kansas City oculist’s office:
Broken lenses duplicated here

In a barbershop:
During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here

At a bookstore:
Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books

NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

Seen at a Railway Station.
Aana free, jaana free, Pakdhe gaye to khana free

Sign at a barber’s saloon in Delhi
We need your heads to run our business

Notice at a barber’s shop:
Haircut for Rs 15/- . Children for Rs 10/-

Notice in the toilet
This urinal is out of order – Kindly use the floor below.

Sign in a restaurant:
All drinking water in this establishment has been personally passed by the manager

Seen on a bulletin board:
Sucess is relative.
More the success, more the relatives.

Sign on a famous beauty parlour window:
Don’t whistle at the girl going out from here. She may be your Grandmother.

At restaurant-gas stations:
“Eat here and get gas.”

In a New Hampshire jewelry store:
“Ears pierced while you wait.”

In an New York restaurant”
“Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the

In a Michigan restaurant:
“The early bird gets the worm!”
“Special shoppers’ luncheon before 11:00 AM.”

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaning store:
“Thirty-eight years on the same spot.”

In a Los Angeles dance hall:
“Good clean dancing every night but Sunday.”

On a movie theater:
“Children’s matinee today. Adults not admitted unless with child.”

In a Florida maternity ward:
“No children allowed!”

In a New York drugstore:
“We dispense with accuracy.”

In the office of a loan company:
“Ask about our plans for owning your home.”

In a New York medical building:
“Mental health prevention center.”

In a toy department:
“Five Santa Clauses — no waiting.”

On a Maine shop:
“Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store:
“Don’t kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work.”

On a window of a New Hampshire burger restaurant:
“Yes, we are open. Sorry for the inconvenience.”

In a clothing store:
“Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.”

In a Tacoma, Washington men’s clothing store:
“15 men’s wool suits – $10.00 – They won’t last an hour!”

On an Indiana shopping mall marquee:
“Archery tournament. Ears pierced.”

Outside a country shop:
“We buy junk and sell antiques.”

On a North Carolina highway:
“300 FEET”

In the window of an Oregon general store:
“Why go elsewhere to be cheated, when you can come here?”

In a Massachusettes parking area reserved for birdwatchers:
“Parking for birds only.”

In front of a New Hampshire store:
“Endurable floors.”

On a radiator repair garage:
“Best place too take a leak.”

In a Pennsylvania cemetery:
“Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own

On a roller coaster:
“Watch your head.”

On the grounds of a private school:
“No trespassing without permission.”

In a library:
“Blotter paper will no longer be available until the public stops
taking it away.

On a Tennessee highway:
“Take Notice: When this sign is under water the road is impasable.”

Similarily in a New Hampshire car wash:
“If you can’t read this, it’s time to wash your car.”

“Signs Found in the Kitchen”

So this isn’t Home Sweet Home … Adjust!

Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!

I clean house every other day. Today is the other day.

If you write in the dust, please don’t date it!

I would cook dinner but I can’t find the can opener!

My house was clean last week, too bad you missed it!

I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.

If you don’t like my standards of cooking …lower your standards.

Although you’ll find our house a mess, Come in, sit down, converse. It doesn’t always look like this: Some days it’s even worse.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand!

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen and gone on to lead normal lives.

My next house will have no kitchen … just vending machines.

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

Help keep the kitchen clean – eat out.

On a Plumbers truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”

Pizza shop slogan: “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”